The Silent Struggle

As child sleep consultants, we often find ourselves at the heart of a family’s intimate struggles. It’s not just about sleep patterns and schedules, but also about providing support to parents, especially mothers, who are navigating the challenges of parenthood. A puzzling aspect we often encounter is why mothers, even when faced with significant difficulties, rarely ask for help. They frequently carry heavy expectations about what they should handle alone. 

The reasons are complex, and understanding them is critical not only for better consultancy but also for promoting healthier family dynamics.

1. Accepting Help Feels Like Losing

Many moms feel that if they ask for help, it means they’ve somehow failed. Society often expects moms to do it all and do it perfectly. Just like a juggler in a circus is expected to keep all the balls in the air, moms often feel they’re expected to manage every part of their kid’s life without dropping a single ball. It’s important to remind them that everyone drops a ball sometimes – it’s part of being human. And asking for help just means you’re getting an extra pair of hands to catch it.

2. Moms Don’t Want to Look Weak

No one likes to feel weak or incapable, especially when it comes to taking care of their kids. For a mom, asking for help can feel like hanging a sign around her neck that says, “I can’t handle this.” It’s our job to reassure them that it’s the opposite. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and say, “I need help.” That’s not weakness – that’s strength.

3. Motherhood Should Be Instinctive, Right?

There’s this idea out there that moms should automatically know how to take care of their children, like a mother bird knows how to feed her chicks. But people aren’t birds, and motherhood is a lot more complicated. It’s okay not to have all the answers, and it’s okay to ask someone who might.

4. Fear of Being Judged

We’re in an era where the fear of being judged can be paralyzing. Moms may hold back from asking for help because they’re concerned about the opinions of others. What will people think if they find out that she’s not doing it all on her own? It’s essential for us, as sleep consultants, to reassure moms that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a demonstration of their deep love for their child and their courage in reaching out.

5. Trust Issues

Trust is a major issue when it comes to asking for help. As a sleep consultant, you may notice a mom hesitant to delegate tasks concerning her child, even to close family or friends. It’s because every mom wants the best for her child, and sometimes they worry that others may not be able to meet their standards. We can remind these moms that it’s okay to let others in and share the responsibilities. Those offering help often care about the child’s well-being too.

6. The Importance of Independence

Independence is important, no doubt. Some moms pride themselves on their ability to “do it all.” However, being self-reliant doesn’t mean they should shoulder everything alone. It’s like trying to lift a heavy box by oneself – yes, you might manage it, but why risk straining your back when someone else is ready and willing to help? We need to remind moms that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather a smart decision that highlights their strength and wisdom.

Mothers are often the pillars of the household, and like any pillar, the weight can cause stress over time. When mothers are overloaded without respite, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even depression. Rest, both physical and mental, isn’t a luxury for moms—it’s an absolute necessity.

By encouraging mothers to ask for help, we’re advocating for their mental health. When a mother is well-rested and less stressed, she’s more equipped to care for her child, and the whole family benefits. It’s a gentle reminder that even supermoms need to hang up their capes at times, recharge, and that it’s perfectly fine to do so.

As child sleep consultants, we can be the catalyst for this change. By creating a safe, empathetic environment, we can encourage moms to share their load, seek help when needed, and ensure they take care of their mental health. After all, a happier, healthier mom makes for a happier, healthier child.

References

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Negron, Rennie, Bonnie Gross, Sherry Pickering, and Kimberly Ruggiero. “Understanding the role of maternal guilt in depression among Hispanic mothers of children with an autism spectrum disorder.” Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 47, no. 8 (2017): 2409-2418.

Goodman, Janice H. “Women’s attitudes, preferences, and perceived barriers to treatment for perinatal depression.” Birth 36, no. 1 (2009): 60-69. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19278385/

Dennis, Cindy-Lee, and Ellen Hodnett. “Psychosocial and psychological interventions for treating postpartum depression.” Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 4 (2007). https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17943888/

Leahy-Warren, Patricia, Joan Mulcahy, and Cecily M. Begley. “The support needs of first-time mothers during the postnatal period: an exploratory, descriptive, qualitative study.” Journal of Clinical Nursing 27, no. 5-6 (2018): e1061-e1073.

Sevigny, Patricia R., and Lisa A. Loutzenhiser. “Predictors of parenting self-efficacy in mothers and fathers of toddlers.” Child: Care, Health and Development 36, no. 2 (2010): 179-189. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645829/

Solmeyer, Anna R., and Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan. “Marital conflict and the quality of young children’s sleep.” Journal of Family Psychology 27, no. 3 (2013): 282. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16460523

Flacking, Renée, Mats Eriksson, and Renée Emond. “The Influence of Fathers’ Socioeconomic Status and Paternity Leave on Breastfeeding Duration: A Population-Based Cohort Study.” Scandinavian Journal of Public Health 43, no. 4 (2015): 374-380. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20147577/