There is a question that follows working mothers everywhere. You hear it from relatives, from strangers on the internet, sometimes from that voice inside your own head – Am I hurting my kids by going to work?
Kathleen McGinn, a professor at Harvard Business School, spent years trying to answer it. She and her colleagues analyzed data from over 100,000 men and women across 29 countries. Two international surveys. Two decades of responses. The result was a study published in 2019 called “Learning from Mum” – and what it found might change how you think about the whole question.
Your daughter is watching you
The researchers found that daughters of working mothers were more likely to hold jobs as adults. And not just any jobs. They were more likely to have leadership roles and to earn higher incomes. In the U.S., preliminary data from the same research team showed that daughters of employed mothers earned roughly 23% more than daughters of stay-at-home mothers.
Think about that for a second. Not because you went to work, but because your daughter grew up seeing you go to work, she learned something she could not have learned from a textbook. She learned that a woman can manage a career and a family at the same time. She watched you do it. And years later, she carried that with her.
McGinn’s explanation is simple. When a girl sees her mother handle the complexity of working life – the juggling, the trade-offs, the daily proof that it can be done – she absorbs a set of beliefs and skills that stick with her into adulthood.
Your son is watching too
The study found something different for sons. Their career outcomes did not change based on whether their mothers worked. But their behavior at home did. Sons of employed mothers spent more time each week caring for their own families – about 50 extra minutes, according to the published data. They also held more equal views about gender roles. In fact, sons of working mothers held more equal gender attitudes than even the daughters of stay-at-home mothers. That finding surprised the researchers themselves.
These sons grew up to choose employed partners. They pitched in more at home. They did not see caregiving as someone else’s job.
And here is the part nobody talks about
Were the children of working mothers less happy? McGinn and her team asked that question directly. The answer was “No”. Adult sons and daughters reported the same levels of happiness and life satisfaction whether their mothers had worked or stayed home. No difference.
McGinn put it this way – the decision to work should be a financial and personal one. It should not be driven by fear that your children will suffer, because this research, across 29 countries and over 100,000 people, says your children are going to be just fine. And in many ways, they will be better for it! Your daughters may reach further in their careers. Your sons may become more present, more equal partners at home. Not despite the fact that you worked, but because of it.
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Reference: McGinn, K. L., Ruiz Castro, M., & Long Lingo, E. (2019). Learning from mum: Cross-national evidence linking maternal employment and adult children’s outcomes. Work, Employment and Society, 33(3), 374–400. https://doi.org/10.1177/0950017018760167